Ex Catholic, strung out on guilt, hooked on that itchy-achy renegade
passion, that gothic sensuality the Sacramental Sin. Needing to feel
this physical form after 2000 years of denying the base pleasure of
being alive, struggling to fit in as much pleasure, as many orgasms
possible before age and death, speedballing between the states of
ecstasy and shame…

…its no wonder you always look so tired…!

…Ex Catholic, strung out on guilt, you know that sex is dope and this dope
is cut with shame… (Now, is this a confessional poem or what??)

The Divine Horror of being the animals we are, panic-filled fucking with
Gregorian moans giving way to SCREAMS that could shatter the images of
the stain-glass saints and martyrs. Conditioned, condemned , TO FEEL
THE FLAMES OF HELL EVERY TIME YOU COME!!!

…and it feels good, don't it?

Our archetypes are dressed in agony. Every ounce of pleasure we feel is
the sorrow of saints. Every pump of the hips is a hammer pounding
stigmata into Our Lords hands and feet… bloody… bruised… naked… for
all of eternity to see. Behold the man: a crown of thorns, a roman
spear THRUST between his ribs… "it is done…" -and we, stuck with the
stains of this spiritual necrophilia, have learned to be just a little
perverse in order to survive…

Ex Catholic, strung out on guilt. You know there ain't no dope better. You
know because you can feel it…

In this agnostic agony, this Catechism of Doubt, we return to the
certainty of our form. We worship from the temples of our bodies…
Mouth to mouth, skin to skin, we receive the Communion of our content…

-"This is My Body… This is my Blood… Drink of it…drink…"

Confirmed in our feverish union, baptized in hot perspiration, holding on
to one another in the panic of this penetration. The rhythm like the
flapping of an angels euphoria-feathered wings. Ascending, ascending
to that Heaven where all this pain is forgotten , towards that
momentary Grace where the shame filled mind is annihilated, to that
Final Release when we shudder and exhale God's otherwise Unspeakable
Name.

"Ex-Catholic Fix"
Rec. 5/21/97 on side street of mission dolores, sf...2215.